I though I would write my next post on low self-esteem because it’s a very important subject. Most people would rather not admit that they have low self-esteem and some people that have low self-esteem don’t even know it. I’ll admit, I never wanted to admit that I have always had low self-esteem. The 1st time that I can remember feeling not good enough was the very first day of first grade. I went in the door and started to sit down and somehow automatically knew, these were the popular kids and that they probably wouldn’t like me. I still have a lot of self work to do regarding abandonment and rejection issues. A lot of psychiatrist and therapist think that low self-esteem usually comes from some kind of childhood trauma. If that’s so, I haven’t remembered anything from my childhood yet.
Some of the signs of low self esteem are:
- being very sensitive to criticism
- social withdrawal
- excessive preoccupation with personal problems (ex: constantly wondering what he’s doing, if he’s drinking, will he be drunk when I get home, where is he)
- physical symptoms such as: fatigue, insomnia and headaches(it did much more than that to me this time).
- depression and anxiety
When you have low self-esteem you think poorly of yourself. Maybe you feel like a failure or not smart enough or not pretty enough or not successful enough or not a good enough mother/wife, etc. Everybody has negative thoughts sometimes but when you have low self-esteem your self-talk is almost always negative. Practice paying attention to what your self-talk is saying to you.
Most of the time when someone with low self-esteem is in a relationship with an addict, it’s going to be toxic because addicts are liars, manipulators, deceivers, cheaters and most often they turn from Dr. Jeckyl(sober) to Mr. Hyde(drunk) and are very mean and abusive. A lot of times after you’ve been in this situation for a while you turn into a co-dependent person(which is what your addict is). We’ll talk more about that in a later post.
Some of the ways we show we are co-dependent are:
- people pleasing-you feel anxious if others are unhappy with you, and you give their needs, feelings and opinions precedence over your own
- guilt-“I’m always sorry”
- perfectionism-it may be on your job, tidiness of your home, your job as a wife/mother/daughter/sister, your body, your hair or clothes
- no boundaries-we’ll talk a more about the importance of boundaries in a future post
- we’re one-becoming obsessed with your partner
- depending on someone too much
I have been working on a workbook to help me raise my self-esteem. I would like to recommend it to you. It’s called, “The Self-Esteem Workbook for Women” by Megan MacCutcheon, LPC. She is a licensed professional counselor with a private practice in VA.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post! I hope you were able to relate to something I’ve said. If you ever need someone to talk to or have any questions, please feel free to contact me via my FB page or here on my blog. I’d love to hear from you! Please like and follow my FB page and my blog. God bless you! You are not alone! You are strong!