As you probably know, our loved ones are basically two people. They are Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. When they’re sober they are good, loving men but when they drink or get drunk, Mr. Hyde comes out and you’re dealing with someone you don’t even know or like. I’m going to list some of the top strategies addiction (which takes over their brains even when they’re sober) uses to get what it wants. Addiction doesn’t care about you, your kids or even your loved one. It will do whatever it takes to get what it wants.
I am going to do a separate blog post for manipulation because it is probably the most used and most effective but I’ll give a brief description of each strategy.
Denial: Addicts experience many different levels of denial, ranging from underreporting the amount they drink or use drugs to denying-even to themselves- that they have a problem.
Justification: Your loved one may offer a multitude of reasons for his drinking or using, as well as the resulting behavior. Addicts may be aware that their behavior has become unacceptable-and they may even acknowledge it at times. An example of justification could be: If an addict takes someone’s necklace to pawn for drug money, he may tell himself that the victim hadn’t worn it in years and won’t miss it.
Deception: However honest your loved one was before the addiction took hold, once he becomes an addict, deception will likely become frequent and pervasive.
Manipulation: Of all the tools addiction uses to protect itself, it’s favorite might be you. Sadly, the most commonly exploited quality is love. Addicts in rehab will tell you whom they can make cry most easily and whom they cannot approach at all. That doesn’t mean the addict doesn’t love you. It means that the addiction is wiling to protect itself by any means necessary. If there’s a way your personality, values, fears, skills, or hopes can be used toward that end, the addiction will eventually seek to expoit it.
My next post will be talking about manipulation in more detail. Once you recognize when you’re being manipulated, you can start to deal with your partner in a more informed, educated way. If you’re not currently in a relationship, recognizing maniupulation can keep you from getting involved with someone that’s just going to hurt you.
Thank you for reading my post. I hope you follow my blog and FB page to continue discussing toxic relationships and how to live with/get out/recover from them. You are strong!