This is kind of an encore to a post I previously wrote called, ” 6 Ways Not To Be Used“. I want to go into more detail on each of the ways we can be used by, in particular, a man .
Believing patterns, not apologies. I”ll give you a personal example. I began to see a pattern of lying in my boyfriend, then he would apologize and try to explain it away when he got caught. We’ve all heard the the saying “actions speak louder than words”. It’s True!
Don’t fall in love with potential. As in my case, this guy was very smart, had had well paying jobs, was very loving, caring and kind. That was where I saw potential. Potential for him and what he could be and for our relationship and where it could go and how happy I thought I would be if it did. Now, the truth of the matter is, he is an unemployed, alcoholic with no job and he’s psychologically abusive when he’s drunk. People are who they are and there’s nothing we can do to change them.
Believe ALL RED FLAGS!!! Here’s a list of some of the red flags to look out for:
- He’s quick to get angry, yells or throws things.
- He complains about all his exe’s, they’re all crazy
- He’s moving too fast too soon
- He’s jealous
- He can’t stop telling you have perfect you are.
- He tries to drive a wedge between you and your family and friends.
- He calls you names in an argument
- No work ethic
- He makes you feel stupid/unworthy
Know your worth. This is one of the things that I am having to do the most work on. After a toxic, damaging relationship, it’s too easy to hold onto some of or all of the negative feelings and attitudes you have about yourself. You then carry that over into a new relationship, which inevitably dooms it to fail. We have to do some serious work on our self esteem before going into a new relationship.
Don’t lower your standards. Don’t settle for the first person that compliments you or shows you attention. Just because someone tells you that they love you doesn’t mean they are worthy of you and your love. What does your family/friends think of him? Don’t think do I deserve him, think does he deserve me!
Don’t fall too hard too fast. This is a biggie! Often with low self esteem, we tend to fall in love right away. He’s saying and doing all the right things but people are always on their best behavior in the beginning. It takes time to really fall in love with someone. You have to take the time to learn their personality, lifestyle and family dynamic. Give yourself time to really know somebody before you decide if he is worthy of being given the honor of being a part of your life.
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