6 Ways Not To Be Used-Expanded

This is kind of an encore to a post I previously wrote called, ” 6 Ways Not To Be Used“. I want to go into more detail on each of the ways we can be used by, in particular, a man .

Believing patterns, not apologies. I”ll give you a personal example. I began to see a pattern of lying in my boyfriend, then he would apologize and try to explain it away when he got caught. We’ve all heard the the saying “actions speak louder than words”. It’s True!

Don’t fall in love with potential. As in my case, this guy was very smart, had had well paying jobs, was very loving, caring and kind. That was where I saw potential. Potential for him and what he could be and for our relationship and where it could go and how happy I thought I would be if it did. Now, the truth of the matter is, he is an unemployed, alcoholic with no job and he’s psychologically abusive when he’s drunk. People are who they are and there’s nothing we can do to change them.

Believe ALL RED FLAGS!!! Here’s a list of some of the red flags to look out for:

  1. He’s quick to get angry, yells or throws things.
  2. He complains about all his exe’s, they’re all crazy
  3. lying
  4. He’s moving too fast too soon
  5. He’s jealous
  6. He can’t stop telling you have perfect you are.
  7. He tries to drive a wedge between you and your family and friends.
  8. He calls you names in an argument
  9. No work ethic
  10. He makes you feel stupid/unworthy

Know your worth. This is one of the things that I am having to do the most work on. After a toxic, damaging relationship, it’s too easy to hold onto some of or all of the negative feelings and attitudes you have about yourself. You then carry that over into a new relationship, which inevitably dooms it to fail. We have to do some serious work on our self esteem before going into a new relationship.

Don’t lower your standards. Don’t settle for the first person that compliments you or shows you attention. Just because someone tells you that they love you doesn’t mean they are worthy of you and your love. What does your family/friends think of him? Don’t think do I deserve him, think does he deserve me!

Don’t fall too hard too fast. This is a biggie! Often with low self esteem, we tend to fall in love right away. He’s saying and doing all the right things but people are always on their best behavior in the beginning. It takes time to really fall in love with someone. You have to take the time to learn their personality, lifestyle and family dynamic. Give yourself time to really know somebody before you decide if he is worthy of being given the honor of being a part of your life.

Thank you for reading my blog! Please follow my blog and my FB page. I am currently working on getting my Pinterest site up and going. Stay strong!

Lesson’s Learned

This is my very first time writing a blog so be patient with me as I navigate the in’s and out’s. Hopefully with time, my blog and I will get better.

First, a little about my life experiences. In my 51 years, I have been in five toxic, psychologically damaging relationships. My first husband cheated on me twice and ran off with the second one not even a year after our son was born. The next four men have varying combinations of the following: narcissism, pathological liar, alcoholism, drug addiction, various mental disorders (nothing diagnosed) and co-dependency. Oh yeah, and one of them actually stalked me to the point of me having a loaded shot gun in my house. So, I have done a lot of research on the above issues and have and am doing a lot of self-care and self-work to ensure that this never happens again. I would love to have a blog to teach, inspire and empower women of every age.

Thank you so much for reading my first blog! Please follow my blog if: a) you’ve never been in a toxic relationship and you want to be sure that you never are or b) you have been in one or more than one toxic relationship and you want to make sure it NEVER happens again.

If you like my blog, please follow me here and on FB.

I’ve been in several toxic relationships and have done a lot of research. I’m writing this blog to help myself and hopefully others, as well.